America needs me.
The world needs mah leadership.
It is time for the King to re-emerge.

Ah will be appearing in Times Square, New Year's Eve.
Ah intend to drop the cloak of secrecy of the last 25 years.
Mah fans demand ah campaign fo' President and save the world.

See ya there.
Brang donuts. Brang drugs.
Brang signs so ah kin recognize mah supporters.

Be theah or be square.
Vote Bush and yore cruizin' for a bruizin'

Think of Tha Kang as Leader of the Free World.
Won't ya hep me? Can ah count on yo' vote?
Thank ya, that ya verry musch!
How bad could ah be?

Ah don't need enny campaign contributions. Afta all, ah'm rich.
Mostly ah jess need y'all to brang chicks and dope to mah campaign rallys.
That'll brang lotsa other supporters. It'll all grow from there.

Mah whole plan (platform) boils down to:
Make love, not war.
Make crystal meth, not Pentium chips.
Less taxation, less privatization.
More medication, more fornication.

Sincerely,
Tha Kang (who will soon become tha Prez)
PLEASE SPREAD THA WURD!!!